Sunday, December 14, 2014

[Random Perspectives]: Dealing with Undesireable Circumstances(SHIT) in In Life

Enlisting into the army for national service was pretty hard on me psychologically & emotionally. I looked around me and compared how my fellow recruits dealt with the transition with how I was dealing with it. It seemed as though everyone transitioned with ease in relation to how much I hated the change in freedom and lifestyle.

Without a doubt I knew it was because I am more introverted in nature and that required me to have more alone time/wind down periods to recharge before feeling ready for challenges again - something army certainly does not give you enough of. Despite knowing why it felt particularly harder for me to adjust to army life, I began finding this adjustment to army life, or that of any undesirable/uncomfortable situations/circumstances in life be it anything from any form of loss to accepting hard truths, a very interesting process that could be further studied so that I could identify what I need to work on to help me transit better in future.

Fast forward 4 months, I just received my vocational posting which was a shock of my life. Probably the last place I want to be posted to and I mean it literally and not as a speech of expression. And I'm glad I thought out the process of adjustment because now, dealing with this horrible posting, I know how to make myself adjust better and more importantly, I'm aware that I'm adjusting and am in the early phases that's why it sucks so bad psychologically and emotionally but it won't last forever.

The 5 phases I've discovered are:
1. Rejection Phase
2. Passive Adjustment Phase
3. Acceptance Phase
4. Active Adjustment Phase
5. Comfortable Living Phase
6. End transition

Before I share what these self-discovered phases are, let me get into how I believe they work as a whole from person to person.

I believe that no matter who you are and what personality or characteristics you have, you go through all 5 phases. For example, you cannot possibly not go through a rejection phase because if you do not have a rejection phase, it means you are not dealing with an undesirable situation. You're merely dealing with a change of situation.

How bad one's transition is, is directly related to how long one lasts in any of the phases. Each phase has a different level of impact on the difficulty of transition. The longer you're stuck in the earlier phases would make it harder as compared to if you were stuck longer in the later phases. For instance, 1 week in rejection phase will make you suffer more than 1 week in active adjustment phase.

Let's now talk about the different phases

1. Rejection Phase
The most painful of all phases and quite self explanatory. This is where you reject your reality. All that goes through your mind is wondering why this happened to you, what it would be like to be in someone else's shoes and is this really happening? The harsh reality that hit you is having serious problems sinking in that your focus isn't dealing with the reality per se, but rather you deal with it so indirectly by rejecting it and it takes awhile before you realise this shit is real.

2. Passive Adjustment Phase
You've still yet to accept reality and this is where you start adjusting passively. And by passively I don't mean not physically but rather unconsciously, if you will. For instance in army, you will just, no matter what, start adjusting to the lifestyle of waking up at 5 every morning and doing some form of PT. Even though you've not accepted this as your reality, you adapt to it regardless and that's why it's passive adjustment.

3. Acceptance Phase
This is the phase you start talking yourself into accepting this as your reality. You try to see the positive sides to things and basically come to terms with reality. You are only able to reach this phase because of sufficient passive adjustment that shortens the gap between where you wish you were to how you feel about where you are in now. Thus the wider the original gap between the 2, the longer your passive adjustment phase will take to shorten the gap close enough for you to began accepting reality. Of course the speed of adjustment place a huge role too.

4. Active Adjustment Phase
After you've accepted your reality, now you began to consciously adjust to your new reality. Be it a change of mindset on how you view your situation or sleeping earlier so that you won't feel as tired the next morning. You actively and consciously try to help adjust yourself better to the life.

5. Comfortable Living Phase
Take this as an active adjustment phase 2.0 if you will. This is where you make even more changes to your situation but this time it's not in the name of adjustment but rather finding a comfortable way to live life. Whereas in the previous phases, you dealt with the situation as a temporary thing, in this phase you transit to dealing with it as a permanent change. For example, in previous phases, it is where I would not have continued my training as a bodybuilder simply because I perceived my situation as temporary and I've yet to be comfortable enough to began making it a lifestyle rather than a phase or to focus on "luxuries". Other examples may include, anxiety towards events/book ins, etc disappearing.. Or even waking up in the morning. When I had to fall in in the past, I would wake up 30-45 mins before hand to ready myself physically and mentally. Now as I reach comfortable living phase, I wake up 5 mins before fall in.

6. End Transition
Really nothing to be said here!

All that said, I have found that usually more extroverted people adjust better to situations because of many reasons - probably another topic for another day. Their rejection phase could last anywhere from 3 mins to 24 hours while mine could last weeks. Most importantly for now, is that we understand the different phases and always bring ourselves back to this big picture whenever we feel horrible about our situation because then we remind ourselves that this is only a phase we are going through and it will not last forever and we can then remain rationale, rather than losing ourselves to emotions towards our undesired outcome.

Over and Out.

Like MuscleCeption for more of such posts in the future!

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