Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Idea for becoming a stronger person mentally: Avoiding self-denial. Achieving self-integrity.

Self-integrity would be the absence of self-denial. To have self-integrity would mean being at a point where we are able to honest with ourselves. To be honest with ourselves in all aspects that includes  issues related to our character and essentially who we are. Becoming a stronger person mentally requires first that we are able to identify the areas that needs to be worked on. This is where self-integrity comes in.

Let's use an example to make sense of what I'm saying. A good example to illustrate my point would be someone who is quitting school because he is stressed and can't handle the pressure he gets from school. This someone may claim(even to himself) that the reason behind quitting school is because he believes the education system is ineffective and a waste of time. Something common in any such situation would be his gathering or information on people who have authored or spoken about why the education system is ineffective. It may very be true that the education system is indeed ineffective. He may even actually feel that way, even with self-integrity. But self-integrity is that precise that as always, it boils down to the sentiment from which he proceeded. In this case, self-integrity isn't being able to stay on in school, neither is it to say he doesn't actually feel the system is ineffective. Self-integrity is admitting to himself that the reason he quit was because he couldn't take the pressure, not because of his opinion towards the education system.

Self-integrity is important. How honest we are to ourselves about our own capabilities both physically and mentally dictates whether we are able to improve on ourselves. Denying any weaknesses is to deny any progress; we are then unable to become the strongest version of ourselves.

As in the example, if that person is never able to be honest with himself, he will never be able to work on being able to withstand more pressure and not quit so easily. Essentially, he is the weakest he can possibly be. Not only is he weak because he quit but he is even weaker because he can't face the truth.

The biggest problem is that those who are in denial with themselves will also be in denial with themselves that they are in denial with themselves. So anyone who is in denial is usually under more than a single layer of denial. Making it even harder to progress because they will see nothing wrong(weak) with themselves.

Now comes the question, how do we know if we are in denial or not? Realizing you are in self-denial automatically makes you no longer in denial.  It's really quite simple, we will all know when there is the possibility that we could be in self-denial. We just never know if we are. The only way to be sure is to do the thing that will guarantee we are not in denial. What do I mean?

In any context where there's a decision to make and the decision could be affected by denial, choose the one which will let you know you're not in denial for sure. So in the example, to ensure he isn't in denial, he would have to tell himself to not quit school(for as long a period as he thinks is necessary before he can be sure it's not the pressure but really his opinion on the system that he chose to quit). If in his case the pressure was only built because of the length of the entire education route, then because of the way his pressure is formed, it means he has to stay on all the way to ensure self-integrity. As stupid as it may sound to stay on all the way only for him to realize he was (let's say) really quitting because of his opinion, it's not that stupid.

The thing about self-integrity is that once we have achieved it(to know if we did requires self-integrity too.....) we tend to be able to hold this aspect in all/most other contexts. In other words, self-integrity is more of a character rather than dependent on individual scenarios. Once we have it, we have it no matter the situation. If we don't, it presents itself in numerous situations.